Tag Archives: hazards

Bless the Beasts and the Children—Even When the Children Are Beasts

Today, my daughter’s late arrival to preschool came courtesy of Mr. Grumposaurus, our almost-six-year-old. He couldn’t brush his teeth. He couldn’t put on his shoes. His motor skills had degraded to the point that he couldn’t even muster the strength to pull on his coat. “Let’s go!” I exhorted him. (This is the worst thing […]

Things That Don’t Work: “Jutht Call Me Thplit Tongue”

This morning, I was cutting waffles for my kids to eat when my daughter wandered in. “Can I lick the knife?” she asked. I remembered what happened yesterday when I said (and then sang) “no” to her. So I said, “Sure.” Hence the subtitle of this post. Editorial note for the modern social media landscape: […]

Support Your Team

I love sitting on the couch holding my son. There’s nothing better in the world. Only one problem–like his dad, Wolfe’s body temperature is “the sun.” We both end up sweaty messes. This has always been an issue for me. When I exercise, I need three outfits. One for working out, one for cool down […]

Church is Dangerous

Today my wife made me and Wolfe go to church again. I’ve tried to convince her that church is dangerous, but she refuses to listen. My point, however, was proven in a most unsettling manner. Wolfe was asleep when we got there, so we left him in his car seat. Unfortunately the pew was full […]

Batteries Not Included

My latest gripe is toys for infants. Not the toys themselves–it’s the batteries that bother me. First of all, I understand that all those lights, sounds, laser beams and chain saws require a lot of power. But if we’ve had solar-powered cars since the 1970s, couldn’t somebody have figured out how to run all that […]

Excuse Me? Beg Pardon?

Being a parent for the first time is great. Anything you want to know is covered in a book somewhere, and there are answers readily available for any parenting question you may have. Any problem that arises is quickly and easily solved due to all the expertise and information out there. Just kidding. Being a […]

Why I Hate Statistics

Most of my posts are going to be funny (or at least they’ll try to be). This post, though, has been much harder for me to write, probably because it touches on some very real and very tough emotional times my wife and I went through. In the early fall of 2010, my wife had […]