Autumn Blowout

In his nearly six months on earth, my son has only had a couple of blowouts. For the uninitiated, a “blowout” occurs when there is more excrement than there is diaper. The few times it’s happened, the force and mass of my son’s poop has caused seepage out the sides.

Until today. Today we experienced the dreaded backdraft. That’s when the poo shoots straight up the back, which can happen if your kid’s hanging upside down in an anti-gravity device or can be due to some strange fluke of physics and/or poor diaper application. It can also be a sign that it’s time to move up a diaper size–but with the price of diapers these days, you can’t just bail in the middle of a pack. (You can make up your own “dad’s wearing an adult diaper” joke here.)

I’m a big fan of scatological content–I wrote a short story called “It Grows In You” about a guy who poops out a demon–but even I was a little grossed out by the poop smear up my son’s back…and on his onesie…and in his sock…and on the changing pad cover.

He, on the other hand, thought it was just great. He laughed, he cooed, he smeared it around like he was Picasso working on the world’s greatest masterpiece.

When do we stop being proud of our bowel movements? Maybe it is a sunrise/sunset thing, because I remember that my Grandpa liked to track his on a wall calendar–time, consistency, and quality. As Einstein once said, “If you’re not pooping, you’re dead.” I’m going to try to follow my son’s lead and be proud of my poop–but I don’t think I’ll wear it like a badge of honor.

This next topic is completely unrelated, but with Frankenstorm brewing I may not get to post again for the next few days. I’ve discovered from talking with my wife that breastfeeding burns a lot of calories. It makes me think that, at least for her, it’s like running is for me–not something you truly enjoy, but it does have health benefits and also allows you to have that slice of pizza without feeling too guilty.

I would have liked to develop these ideas more, but I have to go board up the cats and feed/water the windows before the storm gets here. Stay safe!


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