The Pain of Loss

In 1988, President Reagan declared October National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month.

One of my previous posts described how my wife and I suffered a molar pregnancy in 2010.

Losing a baby is devastating, no matter when or how it happens. Everybody deals differently. I threw myself into work. I remember that it seemed like every commercial on TV was about babies. I felt angry a lot of the time. I didn’t want to talk about it.

My wife, obviously, had a very tough time with it. We went to one session of a loss support group at a local hospital. They were very nice people but it was very awkward–especially for me, since they kept bringing up how I was the only guy there.

The thing is, most guys have been taught by society that processing our emotions, especially in public, is not manly. Men may grieve differently than women, but we do grieve. We do have emotions.

My wife was able to find a pretty good online support group for women who’ve had molar pregnancies. I found one guy who had posted about starting an online group for grieving fathers. His page was gathering virtual dust.

I empathize with all the parents out there who have lost a baby. I won’t offer empty platitudes. I’m sorry it happened. It sucks. You’ll never be quite the same, but things will get better. In the meantime, don’t be afraid to seek help, find a sympathetic ear, talk about how you’re doing. It’s tough, but if you don’t, getting over it just takes longer.

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