Clothing That Makes Me Cranky

According to the article “Do These Genes Make My Brain Look Big?“, a baby’s head size is “highly heritable, meaning genetics accounts for a large portion of infant head circumference variability.” In other words, I am responsible for my son’s oversize noggin–at least partially.

I know the curse of a large head. At my college graduation, my cap said “One Size Fits All.” It should have said “One Size Fits Most,” because I just had to let it perch on top of my ginormous skull like a baby turtle on top of a succulent strawberry twice his size.

And now my son has the curse. With a head in the 88th percentile but a body in the 42nd, it’s tough to get him clothes that fit right. This morning, as I tried to put on his “Beach Hunk” onesie in preparation for brown day at daycare, his melon got stuck in the head opening. He was screaming and crying in abject fear and humiliation. I had to prop my foot against the wall and pull with all my might before the clothing finally fit over his cranium (making an audible popping sound when it did).

I hate for my son to cry, especially when it’s even indirectly my fault. Most of the blame, I feel, lies with the clothing manufacturers. Knowing the variability of infant sizes, shouldn’t a size 3-6 month garment have a neck hole large enough to accommodate a 4-month-old infant who is still on the size charts, albeit wildly disproportioned? We have some onesies with snaps on them. That would be fine. If nothing else, a collar that actually stretches would be a perfectly reasonable option. Whatever the case, from now on we’ll only be buying onesies with a wide entry point for the head. These tiny clothes make me cranky.



  1. Wait until you get to shoes!!

    1. Oh, great!

      Sent from my iPhone

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