One Uppers

As a new parent, there’s nothing more exciting than the first time your baby smiles, or babbles, or holds his head up on his own.

And since this child is now the focus of your life, you’re excited to share. Now, my wife and I try to restrain ourselves (other than the 5,000,000 pics of Wolfe we’ve posted on Facebook), but when you’re with other parents you think they might be a sympathetic audience.

That’s not always the case, though. Nothing’s worse than excitedly telling your friend that junior’s babbling, only to have her respond, “Oh, yeah. Our Bobby’s been doing that for weeks now…in a French accent.”

One uppers in any venue make me cranky, but especially when it comes to my kid. I’ve discovered the best way to get them to shut up is a dirty diaper to the face. Then I can go enjoy my son’s accomplishments and feel like I’ve somehow made the world a slightly better place. Ok, maybe I don’t do that–but you don’t want to be the one to find out for sure, do you? Good. Now, let me tell you what Wolfe just did today…



  1. But my kids ARE better than everyone else’s!! =)

  2. Keeping Up With The Holsbys · · Reply

    It’s totally like your kid is the first kid EVER to do stuff….. Mine’s a prodigy obviously.

  3. i agree with your post, but i also think the worse one-uppers are when people try to one up each other about how hard they have it with their baby.

    1. hazardyetforward · · Reply

      I agree! I have more experience with those one-uppers. “I haven’t gone to a movie since 2001!”

    2. That’s true…the people who are like, “You think you’re tired? Our Genevieve didn’t sleep at all for two entire years. Plus she drank all of our coffee.”

      Sent from my iPhone

  4. You think you’re cranky now, well wait until . . . (kidding) The one-uppers are the worst! I used to dread those Gymboree classes because of those people, well that and the fact that my kid would never get out of my lap. Don’t worry, it gets better.

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