Teaching Your Kid to Be Weird + A Guest Blogger!

My wife and I have devious plans to teach our kid to be weird before he’s able to realize he’s being weird. Here are five things we’ve plotted:

  1. No “Go potty” or “Gotta poop” for our kid. We’re going to teach him the only way adults will let you use the bathroom is if you use a robot voice and say, “Must…evacuate…now.”
  2. Misheard lyrics to popular kids songs. Will the teacher call us when Wolfe is bellowing, “Shave, shave, shave your goat” at the top of his lungs?
  3. Silly walks, a la Monty Python. Although while he’s learning how, he’ll probably accomplish these on his own.
  4. Even cutesier-than-normal names for private parts. He’ll know never to let anyone touch his “wee Willie Wonka” or his “flibbertigibbets.”
  5. Introductions. Whenever he meets a girl, we’re going to teach him to say, “My name’s Wolfe. Wanna howl with me? OWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Now for the guest blog. Wolfe has asked for a chance to voice his own opinion. I give you the first “really cranky baby” guest post.

Wolfe writes: “gvfg h nn 4r  r  tbfrdreyr

All right, got to go. Wolfe just simultaneously pooped and spit up on my keyboard.

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One comment

  1. I see he’s using that new-fangled text speak.

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