This is a two-part rant because a) I’m really cranky and b) neither rant is long enough for a full post.
First rant: the military-industrial complex’s conspiracy to rob consumers. Yes, I’m talking about baby wipes here. If somebody can invent wireless electricity, is there a reason that none of the companies out there can make a pack of baby wipes that dispenses one wipe at a time? The only reason I can think of is the almighty dollar. Those companies know they have parents in a precarious position. Halfway through a diaper change, you don’t have many options in terms of carefully detaching a single wipe. If a sheet of the suckers come out, you’re going to use them. And the more wipes you use, the more you buy. We have tried a variety of wipes, including Pampers, Huggies, Parent’s Choice, and even some that are a little rougher. I’m almost to the point of doing away with wipes altogether and just using a squeegee and some Windex.
Second rant: today there was a community street fair in our little town. (On a side note, they set up a stage right in front of our house where local singers were doing off-key renditions of popular singers like Adele and Ratt. They’re lucky Wolfe already had us up or I might have given them a one moon salute out the window.) As my wife, my son and I made our way down the street, I saw that a community organization had a booth set up. It was “Mommy and Me,” designed to help new mothers connect with other new mothers and share parenting advice, moral support and religious knick-knacks. I tried to sign up and they jokingly said I would need to wear a skirt to the meetings and shave my legs. Now, I’m a pretty sanguine guy, but I was livid. It took three overpriced iced lemonades to calm me down. And I don’t care what they say, I will join the “Mommy and Me” swim classes at the local pool. Wolfe and I are going to show up in our matching speedos, and they will teach us both to swim, whether they like it or not. If they don’t, I guess they’ll just have to deal with my hairy bloated carcass polluting their exclusive little club. Dads are people too!
Now I’m off to drink another iced lemonade.